How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
