If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
