He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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