is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
