i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
