Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
