Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
