The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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