when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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