Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
