I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
