I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
