If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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