Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
