Can i not drive my cunt home
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
