i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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