it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
