I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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