Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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