3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
