I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
