I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
