1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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