This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
