ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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