You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
