Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
