well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
