his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
