His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
