i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
