Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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