Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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