He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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