I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
