We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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