i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
