I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
