what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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