His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
