What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
