doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
