I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
