oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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