So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want her autograph on my taint
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
