2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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