I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
