Don't make out with my wife yet
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
