So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
