I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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