Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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