I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
