That's when you crack a 10am beer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
