Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im holly from the hills drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
