Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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