We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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