Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
