I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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