I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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