My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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