I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
